Meanwhile, Back in Blighty… Tesco and Asda Are Having a Bust-Up Over Baked Beans

Over here in Perth, things are ticking along nicely—sunshine, kookaburras laughing like they know something we don’t, and me trying to explain to Aussies why a proper cuppa must involve a kettle that boils water to actual boiling, not “hot-ish”.
But I’ve just been catching up on the latest back home, and honestly? The drama in the British supermarket aisles is hotter than a summer’s day in Sheffield (so… about 23°C and everyone’s shirtless).
Apparently, Tesco and Asda are at war. Not the polite kind with coupons and “every little helps” slogans, either. Oh no. This is full-on, basket-wielding, price-slashing supermarket carnage.

Tesco: Taking One for the Team (and the Tinned Tomatoes)
Tesco, bless them, have decided to fling £400 million at lowering prices. That’s enough to make a dent in the national baked bean surplus and maybe even stop people fighting over Clubcard prices. They’ve warned this heroic move might hit their profits—which is business-speak for, “We won’t be quite as filthy rich this year, but do enjoy your 50p off own-brand biscuits.”
They’re also planning to save another £500 million by tightening their belt. Probably means more self-service checkouts and fewer humans, but hey—at least your frozen peas will cost slightly less.

Asda: If We’re Going Down, We’re Going Down Cheap
Then there’s Asda, charging in like a mate who’s already three drinks deep and has nothing to lose. They’ve basically said, “Forget profit, let’s win back shoppers!” and started chopping prices like Edward Scissorhands in the produce aisle.
They’ve even scrapped 24-hour trading in Inverness, so if you fancied a midnight dash for chocolate milk and a Scotch egg, you’re out of luck. Clearly, they mean business.

And Aldi’s Just There, Smirking
Meanwhile, Aldi is sitting quietly in the corner, having already stolen half the market while no one was looking. They’ve overtaken Asda in food sales and are probably planning to conquer the world using middle aisle chainsaws and inexplicably cheap olives.

Watching from Afar
I’ll be honest—watching all this from the other side of the world feels a bit like tuning in to a soap opera I didn’t know I missed. One minute I’m sipping a cup of herbal tea in the Aussie sunshine, the next I’m deep into reports about Tesco’s falling stock price and Asda’s battle plans.
I’ve started treating the UK supermarket scene like live theatre. There’s passion, betrayal, and more plot twists than an M&S meal deal. All that’s missing is a narrator whispering, “Next time on ‘Battle of the Baskets’…”

Anyway, if you’re reading this from back home—know that I’m cheering you on. May your trolley be full, your bargains be bountiful, and your self-checkout not freeze halfway through scanning your broccoli.
And if Tesco starts doing free shipping to Australia, do let me know. I’ve got a craving for proper crumpets and irrationally miss the smell of Sainsbury’s rotisserie chicken.